Stages of Grief

There is no manual for grief. If we have any problem we automatically want a quick fix. We wish there was a manual to help us. We want to know ‘what to do’ , ‘how to do it’ and also want to know if we are ‘doing it right’.

There is frequent reference to Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s ‘stages of grief’ as a guide to grief following bereavement. Whilst the experiences of the ‘stages’ that Dr Kubler Ross defined are often encountered in grief following bereavement, research and lived experience of grief in bereavement do not support the idea that there are defined stages of grief.

Grief is more complex and does not fit neatly into stages. Grief has multiple shifting emotions, thoughts and needs happening often simultaneously, but also coming and going unpredictably.

I find it helpful to think more of phases of grief linked to the time of the death, and whether grief is unfolding naturally over time.

Whilst we might think we would be better off if we had a manual, actually nature gave us the manual – it is within us. Follow your grief and let it be your guide. You will not find that you fit into a ‘stage of grief’. Liberate your grief!